My whole life I have been resistant to change. And by “resistant” I mean dead set against it. Even when the change was for the better. I have stayed in relationships that were, by any measure, bad and unhealthy because staying and keeping things normal seemed better than the unknown. The same goes for bad jobs, bad friendships, bad apartments. All because I didn’t want to deal with the discomfort of dealing with change.
This is something I’ve been working on for a while now. Embracing change. And something happened last year that really helped me out on this front. I got very sick, and went undiagnosed for quite a while. Getting sick changed everything, whether I liked it or not. For a while, it changed what I capable of physically. I wasn’t able to climb over fences or catch sheep for a long time.
The physical changes necessitated other changes. I had to learn to ask for help. Not my best thing. Still not my best thing, but I am a world champion at it compared to Susan circa 2011.
Getting sick also changed the way I thought about the future. Suddenly my life, which was perfect for me in every way, might not be possible in the long term. I had to come up with a lot of contingency plans just in case I never recovered 100%. I had to think about what a life would look like in which I wasn’t a shepherd, wasn’t the creative director of a yarn company.
I am not going to lie to you. It was a terrifying time. Everything I cared about was potentially disappearing. And I felt so bad that there were days when I couldn’t even bring myself to care. Pain will do that to you.
The good news is that I am getting better and stronger every day and never had to deal with any of the worst case scenarios. And, as a bonus, change has lost some of it’s sting on me. I won’t go so far as to say that I embrace change now, but I see it as an inevitable part of living.
Which is good, because I have a big change coming up very soon. Juniper Moon Farm is moving! Long story short, the beautiful home and property that I have been lucky enough to inhabit for four magical years is on the market, and I have elected not to take the owners (who have been amazing friends to me– Hi Kenny and Diane!) up on their incredibly generous offer to sell it to me. The truth is, I need a farm with more land and less house. This place is enormous for one person!
So, next week, Jack and me and the entire flock are moving to a temporary place for a few months while I look for the absolute perfect farm. Our short-term digs are not going to be conducive to the kind of open farm days and camps that we’ve done in the past, so this year we won’t be hosting Camp JMF. Actually, my summer is fairly packed with medical stuff, business travel and a trip to Scotland with my friend Kris in July, so it makes sense to dial back the schedule a bit this year anyway.
Since I spent the entire month of April traveling and being sick with a hell-virus, I am now scrambling to get everything packed and sorted. It’s only just now starting to sink in that we are leaving here in just a few days. I am sad to be leaving this beautiful place. I have grown so much in the last four year and have created so many amazing memories here.
This farm was exactly the right place for us during this period of Juniper Moon Farm’s existence. It was so healing, so full of magic. I’m going to miss living here very much. But I am also excited about finding our next (final?) magical, perfect home. I’m embracing the change.
I stirred together a topping of greek yogurt and mascarpone cheese (mixed 50/50) and then added a little vanilla bean. Slices of store bought angel food cake served as the base for an amazing shortcake.
