Tag Archives: anxiety

No One is Perfect

Posted on February 21, 2013 by | Comments Off on No One is Perfect
I often forget that things cannot be as "perfect" as you want them to be, something which causes a lot of stress if I let it.  Today, after finding my son building a fort with the blocking mat pieces I brought home from the shop, in a moment of weakness, I pulled myself into my bedroom and cried for 5 minutes.  

When my husband noticed I had disappeared, he asked, "What's going on?"  I explained that I didn't want cat hair all over blocking mats, which led to him saying that the cats had already had a field day rubbing their faces all over them.  As he talked, I realized, that wasn't the only thing that was bothering me.  So, of course, tears welled up in my eyes again.

"Ok, now what?" my husband asks.  

"That's not the only thing bothering me," I say.  

"What else is it?"  To which I respond with the next thing that happens across my brain - I am a bit overwhelmed with Vincent being so ornery lately.  And Mr. Fix-It responds with, "Well, I gave you a list of day cares and pre-schools, why don't you call and set something up for Vincent?"

I shook my head, knowing that tomorrow I'll feel differently, because I just cannot seem to give up my little peanut.  And then, another wave of tears hits me.  "Did you just save a pile of issues to deal with?" my husband asks.  I shook my head.

"Next thing?"  

"Nothing," I say.  "Same s**t, different day."

"You want another baby, don't you?"  and I sheepishly shook my head.  He smiled, rubbed my back, and made a promise to me - it won't happen right now, but, he'd agree that another one can come along.  Something we haven't been able to agree on for a LONG time.

The moral of the story is...no one is perfect.  

In spite of my fear of losing another battle with anxiety, the anxiety still gets the best of me from time to time.  Right now, I choose to think of it as: I've been working very hard for the past several months, all hoping to find that perfect, happy place.  

Perhaps it's not perfection that I seek, not happiness, but satisfaction.  Satisfaction that my time has been well-spent.  That my son is comfortable and content (he'd be happy living in a cardboard box, as long as it was warm and had mommy and daddy by his side...let's face it, kids are pretty easily amused at age 3).  That my shop continues to grow.

What have I done so far this year:
  • Helped proof a pattern book
  • Released a 2-pattern e-book
  • Gone on vacation
  • Knit 5 projects from beginning to end
  • Finished another project in hibernation
  • Worked on a few designs
  • Hosted my best friend's bridal shower
  • Was Maid of Honor in my best friend's wedding
And the usual day to day stuff...I'm exhausted just thinking about it.  Oh well, at least everyone had a good time and things turned out great!  

Yes, I'm more than happy to add a newborn into the mix if and when the time comes, but for now, I'm working on being content with my work and staying healthy for all the things I have in front of me.  I'll even continue to shower Peanut with hugs and kisses every day while we enjoy our daily dance party in the shop (it's a great way to start the day or break up the monotony of a slow day).  :)

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Knit One, Meditate Too

Posted on October 14, 2012 by | Comments Off on Knit One, Meditate Too

Anticipation Anxiety

 If you've stopped by the shop or spoken with me over the phone this past week, you may have noticed that I've been a bit aloof.  I've just completely lost focus with all that's going on in the shop.  I may spend 30 minutes here and there spinning (like the baby alpaca yarn pictured on the left), answering the phone, talking with customers in the shop, packaging orders, knitting, entertaining my increasingly cranky 3 year old, and the list goes on...

Truth is, I may just have trouble prioritizing some days, or other days, I get so excited from the anticipation of what could become of the shop that I lose track of what I was doing.  And then, the internet service went awry.  So not only do I have to run the shop on my iPhone, I have to do a lot of work arounds on things I was already accustomed to doing on the computer.  Simple things like printing out a pattern have become 45 minute tasks, because my printer just does not want to cooperate with the wireless network.  But I'm good at troubleshooting, so IT fixes are no problem for me.  

The good thing is that I've learned to find some easy ways to meditate to calm down my brain.  Most days it works, other days, I just have to tell myself that tomorrow is another day.  What does it mean for me in the long run?  I'm more productive when stressed.  So, I did some refreshing of my crochet skills, which are a lot better than I remember (see crochet hat on the right).  I even taught myself a new spinning technique, the Navajo 3-ply, which has allowed me to finally spin a yarn thicker than lace or fingering weight on my vintage, handmade spinning wheel (see below).

It's weeks like these - the ones that leave me exhausted, crabby, and begging for one extra hour of sleep - that test my resolve, but in the end, I know that I'm doing what I'm meant to be doing.  Even if I have to remind myself of that every few minutes while on hold with a vendor or when pouring over the
books (accounting).

Increasing My Design Expertise

Now, I'm working on design, design, design.  As a business owner, I always have to find new sources of revenue that are low costs to the business.  Designing, which I LOVE to do, is one of them.  Yes, it takes a lot of time and effort to design, but in the long run, there's not much money that is put in to self-publishing, so profit in dollars is maximized.  At least when you look at it from a business perspective.

Because I love creating new things, I will sketch (something at which, let's just say, I'm not very skilled), doodle, or knit things that pop into my head. Just yesterday, I was wracking my brain on what to propose for the Knit Picks designer call that's posted on Ravelry, and I started doodling on graph paper to clear my mind.  What I ended up with was an 8 stitch repeating pattern in fair isle that I can turn into a sweater pattern for another project!  What's the most shocking about that, I've only knit one fair isle design, which was my own, and I absolutely HATED it.  Meaning, I hated knitting the fair isle.  I was asked to design and knit 5 beanie caps with my brother in law's band name on them.  He was impressed with how they turned out, how consistent all of them were ("like factory made!"), and he even kept one.  He actually just wore it the other day.

I finally got an idea for my design while driving home from the shop this afternoon.  It was one of those "a-ha!" moments, making me realize that I had just put too much thought into it.  So we'll see if I can get the sketch and proposal just right and I'm crossing my fingers and toes that it gets accepted, it would mean a lot for me and the shop.

And of course because this is a business...Shameless Plug  :)

Finally, I'm pleased to announce that a few things are in the planning stages for the rest of this year.  First, I'm working on a customer rewards program.  I'm not sure how to roll this out yet, but at the very least it will include volume discounts and loyalty rewards.  We will also be celebrating Small Business Saturday on November 24, the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

I'm still promoting the pre-orders of Addi Turbo and Addi Lace circular needles, including the interchangable sets that are now available in both Turbo and Lace tips.  These are wonderful needles to work with.  They have smooth coating that allows for faster knitting.  Lace tips feature a longer point that eases lace knitting, no matter what gauge yarn and needle size.  As mentioned in the previous blog entry, pre-orders are what allow us to bring new lines into the shop.  Being that we are a small business, it's a little bit more difficult to bring in new brands because of minimum orders required.  Support your local yarn shop by pre-ordering today.  Contact me for pricing and pre-order you Addi needles today.  

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