Tag Archives: project

It’s Worth It

When I was pregnant with Peanut, I managed a small women's clinic which was a 45 minute drive from my house.  It was the middle of my 3rd year at that location, so the scenic drive through southern Wisconsin was monotonous.  I loved to spice things up by singing or stopping off at local small shops or restaurants on my way to and from work.  So, it's no surprise to me now that Vincent loves to ride in the car, sing along to my favorite music, and even have the occasional mother/son dance party at the shop and at home.

Vincent saying "smile" instead of actually
smiling for the Boys Will Be Boys photo shoot
Lately, I've had to start calling him Mr. Sassypants, because, like his mommy, he can be quick to respond to comments with a roll of his eyes or a, "Don't even go there."  I can't decide if it's annoyingly entertaining or entertainingly annoying.  My answer will change depending on the day.  Like most moms, especially ones that stop into the shop, it really depends on what's going on that day, or how sassy he actually gets.  Three going on 13, Vincent may even lecture me on how I'm supposed to be organizing things in the shop.  Maybe he takes his title of VP of Sales and Marketing a little too seriously (then again, he did insist upon that title).

Am I giving a little too much credit to my son's intelligence?  Not in the least.  For almost 2 years, I've been his interpreter.  I picked up what his nonsensical babbling meant from an early age, and you cannot imagine the relief it was for him when he noticed that I was starting to understand.  It's almost as though he was learning English as a second language.

With all my projects going on, I've had to come up with my own way of communicating with myself in order to keep track of everything.  I've never been one for writing anything down, drawing diagrams, but I did like making lists.  I occasionally ask Siri to remind me to pick up my medication, but a lot of it just stays in my head.

On the Lido Deck of the Carnival Legend cruise ship
wearing the All the Stops Dress that took
about a year to knit
It's been a process: teaching myself how to sketch an idea so that I don't forget about a cool design; remembering to eat my breakfast, even though it's sitting right in front of me; and yes, responding to emails and writing a journal or blog entry.  As someone notorious for taking on too much at once, I'm learning how to say "no" to more projects, or putting some things on the back burner while I work out other, more pressing items.  I believe they call that prioritizing.  Meh.

I don't like things to be too structured, that's just not how I function, but I know that if one day I'm obsessed with knitting a certain project, I have to tell myself, you only have until midnight before you do something else or you can only work up until this row on the chart.  Then, I make myself take a break, go to bed, take a shower, etc.  

And so far, it's working.  I've got one pattern in testing, three that are in the sample stage (knitting a sample/taking notes in order to write the rough copy for testing), and quite a few sketches that are currently just ideas that are looking for the right yarn, colors or designer call.  Is this what professional designers end up doing?  If only I could talk to someone like Debbie Bliss or Jenny Watson, or anyone who churns out more design ideas than I'd know what to do with.  

Could those same designers also run their own yarn shop while caring for a toddler and keeping up with other fiber related hobbies?  Who knows?  I feel like I'm barely holding on to sanity at times, but all I know is that I'm enjoying it ten thousand times more than all my other jobs combined.  And part of owning a business is about taking the risk, not knowing if your gamble will inevitably fail or if it can continue to sustain itself indefinitely.
Me dressed up as Aretha Franklin after the
Carnival Legends show with the cruise ship dance
staff member assigned as my "escort" for the evening

I wish I could know that one day all these days of struggle would mean something.  Will I be able to make this a career or will this just be a couple of years where I tried something that didn't work?  It's worth the shot.  Though word on the cruise ship was that, if all else fails, I'd probably be able to make a good living as a singer.  :)

No One is Perfect

I often forget that things cannot be as "perfect" as you want them to be, something which causes a lot of stress if I let it.  Today, after finding my son building a fort with the blocking mat pieces I brought home from the shop, in a moment of weakness, I pulled myself into my bedroom and cried for 5 minutes.  

When my husband noticed I had disappeared, he asked, "What's going on?"  I explained that I didn't want cat hair all over blocking mats, which led to him saying that the cats had already had a field day rubbing their faces all over them.  As he talked, I realized, that wasn't the only thing that was bothering me.  So, of course, tears welled up in my eyes again.

"Ok, now what?" my husband asks.  

"That's not the only thing bothering me," I say.  

"What else is it?"  To which I respond with the next thing that happens across my brain - I am a bit overwhelmed with Vincent being so ornery lately.  And Mr. Fix-It responds with, "Well, I gave you a list of day cares and pre-schools, why don't you call and set something up for Vincent?"

I shook my head, knowing that tomorrow I'll feel differently, because I just cannot seem to give up my little peanut.  And then, another wave of tears hits me.  "Did you just save a pile of issues to deal with?" my husband asks.  I shook my head.

"Next thing?"  

"Nothing," I say.  "Same s**t, different day."

"You want another baby, don't you?"  and I sheepishly shook my head.  He smiled, rubbed my back, and made a promise to me - it won't happen right now, but, he'd agree that another one can come along.  Something we haven't been able to agree on for a LONG time.

The moral of the story is...no one is perfect.  

In spite of my fear of losing another battle with anxiety, the anxiety still gets the best of me from time to time.  Right now, I choose to think of it as: I've been working very hard for the past several months, all hoping to find that perfect, happy place.  

Perhaps it's not perfection that I seek, not happiness, but satisfaction.  Satisfaction that my time has been well-spent.  That my son is comfortable and content (he'd be happy living in a cardboard box, as long as it was warm and had mommy and daddy by his side...let's face it, kids are pretty easily amused at age 3).  That my shop continues to grow.

What have I done so far this year:
  • Helped proof a pattern book
  • Released a 2-pattern e-book
  • Gone on vacation
  • Knit 5 projects from beginning to end
  • Finished another project in hibernation
  • Worked on a few designs
  • Hosted my best friend's bridal shower
  • Was Maid of Honor in my best friend's wedding
And the usual day to day stuff...I'm exhausted just thinking about it.  Oh well, at least everyone had a good time and things turned out great!  

Yes, I'm more than happy to add a newborn into the mix if and when the time comes, but for now, I'm working on being content with my work and staying healthy for all the things I have in front of me.  I'll even continue to shower Peanut with hugs and kisses every day while we enjoy our daily dance party in the shop (it's a great way to start the day or break up the monotony of a slow day).  :)

Still Here!

Sock Madness Round 2 - Submitted last night
After a week of knitting and planning to exhaustion, I'm happy to sit at my computer to take a break.  I found out this morning that I've made it on to Round 3 of Sock Madness!  After completing the first sock using US 0 sized dpns, I nearly kicked myself because I'd forgotten that gauges change with cables.  My right sock ended up way too small around my ankles, but fortunately was long enough for me to continue without frogging the sock.  I plunged forward using US 2 dpns and ended up with a sock that didn't cut off my circulation a day and half later.


My first "official" pattern - Garter Stripes Cardigan
for 0 to 24 months
This particular round was interesting, as it featured an afterthought heel which I'd heard of, but never tried before.  I used to be one of those who, after reading the specs of a pattern, would not attempt a pattern if it featured a technique I didn't know.  After this past year of picking up skills left and right, I've changed that behavior.  I guess I've found that it was much easier to learn something new than it was to find a pattern with techniques I'd already mastered.  Not to mention that it makes me feel better if I make a mistake because, hey, I'm learning.


My favorite design - Falling Leaves Jumper
I'm also in the midst of putting together crafts and yarn for a few craft/vendor fairs.  One has already passed and a HUGE one is coming up on April 24 at Potowatomi Casino in Milwaukee.  I'm very excited about this one, as I'll be setting up an area almost like a booth at a yarn trade show in hopes of raising some additional capital for the shop.  After the first show, I did figure out the yarn capacity of my car and got some very funny looks while travelling.  


And as if I didn't have enough to do, I've been convinced by my mother to write a book of patterns for baby clothes.  To raise money for that venture I started a Kickstarter campaign, so if you like my designs, please contribute to the cause (and there are some great rewards out there too).  I've got quite a few sketches ready and some other ideas that need to make it onto paper, but funding is mainly to get materials for testing patterns, making swatches, paying a photographer, etc.  I have also made plans to attend the publishing workshop at Stitches Midwest in August.  I will be booking the class soon, just have to price hotel stays etc.  Wish me luck!


My son, Peanut, modeling a few of my impromptu
child hat designs.  Above - Groundhog ; Below - Packers/Sport Beanie